Quick Quip Chapter 2

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As the professor and I were searching for our metaphorical marbles, Andrea was becoming more alarmed by the minute. Lab assistant, Andrea Ruchakowski, as I later found out, was no ordinary woman. She was…whatchacallit?…A Triple Threat. She was smart, beautiful, and a Russian spy. I’ve always known about the smart and beautiful, but I didn’t know about the Russian spy thing. Her mission: To keep an eye on Professor Wintom and report to her handlers any curious activity. This erratic behavior by the preeminent authority on microbiology was curious and getting curiouser.

Long ago, the KGB thought she would be the perfect secret agent to report on Wintom’s activities. Surely, he would not be able to resist her feminine wiles. He could. And he did. Because he’s gay. So, the beauty part goes down the drain.

How could the all-great, all-wise KGB not have known that the good professor could not be swayed by the female persuasion? Here’s the way it went down. You see, Wintom has a penchant for cross-dressing men. The KGB did not notice that they were not women. So, what should they have done?…lift up their skirts and take a peek? No. That would cause undue suspicion. So, as far as they were concerned, he liked women. The women were big and rather ugly, but they thought, who can account for taste?

Now that I think about it, the KGB should have, at least, paired him up with an ugly, husky, woman spy instead of Andrea, who practically oozes femininity. But, I digress.

Things looked grim, but all was not lost, though, for the Russians. Even if her physical beauty was useless in this situation, her beautiful brains won the day. Professor Wintom did not fall in love with her body, but her brains! Her beautiful brains! I imagine Wintom musing, “Man, I’d like to stroke her frontal lobes!”, or “Get a load of that neocortex! OmyGod!”. Wintom had a weakness for beautiful brains. Whether that brain was in man, woman, or anything in between, it did not matter. The gray matter did.

“Professor Wintom has been successfully compromised.”, thought Andrea, with a proud and satisfied smile, as she thoroughly assessed the situation.

After an indeterminate amount of time, it became apparent that I was not going to find any marbles, neither the professor’s nor mine. So, I had to ask, “Do you see little people on the surface of a quark, Professor Wintom?” “Does the Pope shit in the woods?”, he asked. I said tentatively, “I suppose so. Perhaps every once in a while?”

After that, we sat still and gazed at Andrea for a bit. I, at her body, and the good professor, at her brains.

Cartoon Service Process

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If you should want me to draw something for you, this would be how the process would unfold. Take the sketches above, for example. This is an actual drawing for my friend, August. He gave me a detailed description of what he wanted. This isn’t a direct quote, but he said something like, “Draw, like, a cherry bomb character on wheels. Kind of like those stickers that were around when we were kids, called Hot Rods, I think it was.” So, once I get your description and a down payment of $10.00, I will do some doodles, then you let me know what you like and what you don’t like. Let’s find out if we both have the same idea in mind. In this case, August liked sketch number 3, and he told me the character should be a female.

Next, I sent him another drawing with a female face (and a tire) after he sent me another $10.00 installment. He approved them but also told me to make all of the tires the same size, and to put the phrase, “Cherry Bomb” in there somewhere. So, I made the changes and sent him another drawing with color.

He liked it as it was and sent me the remaining $30.00. But now, let’s say he wants the design on a mug. No problem. I just place it on a mug in my Redbubble store, then send the link to where he can view and/or buy it.

Through Redbubble, we can put your custom-made design on a myriad of products. Like mousepads, coasters, posters, T-shirts, calendars, shower curtains, and much more! Let me make your dream design or product a reality. Email Bob at oddboxcomics@att.net and say, “Hey Bob…can you draw me a cat riding on the back of a bat and then put it on a bathmat?” You betcha I can! (Click on the picture above to go to my Redbubble store.)

Quick Quark Quip

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“Jenkins! Jenkins! Jenkins! Get in here! Get here, now!” Startled, I get there. It would seem that Professor Wintom has either spotted another spider in the lab or has just made an incredible discovery.

“Jenkins. Come here come here! Look into the microscope! Look! Look!” I looked. What I saw both killed the old me and birthed the new me. This was the exact point in time where I had to believe in almost anything. If I didn’t, then I was playing the fool. Bigfoot? Why not? Chupacabra? Who is to say? Extraterrestrial beings? Probably. From that point on, I had to question my definition of the word, “real”.

“Jenkins….”, Wintom breathed in an almost reverent, hushed tone. “What are you seeing?”, Wintom asked in a way that may have suggested that he did not really want to hear the answer. Any answer. The problem was that I could not answer. I could not talk. I could barely breathe. I had to break away from the spell that my vision was presenting to me. As I looked up and saw Wintom’s undeniably psychotic expression, I felt a certain kinship with him for I realized that I, most likely, was wearing that same face. “Wintom”, I gasped, “Water….water”.

Andrea, Professor Wintom’s suspiciously attractive lab assistant, brought me a bottle of water and backed away as if I were some kind of viper. Or perhaps it was the microscope which filled her with a feeling of foreboding. It did not matter at the moment. I took a sip from the bottle. A little bit of the water went down the wrong pipe. I choked and coughed and sputtered. “What in God’s name is happening here?”, I thought. “I need see again.”, I nonsensically spluttered as I crouched over the microscope to take another look.

It was the same as what I saw the first time. Yep. There it was. I was seeing that with my own eyes.

People. Impossibly tiny people. It was undeniable. I watched in wonder. I ran the emotional gamut of first shock, then disbelief, fear, catatonia, amazement, wonder, and finally cold calculation as I stared at the things my eyes were seeing. What were the implications? How far down does this existence go? How far up, for that matter? Here I was, after all, looking onto the surface of a quark, one of the tiniest known particles in the entire universe…and yet there were living creatures (who, by the way, looked exactly like us) existing there! What if the planet Earth is but a quark in a much larger universe?

I slowly became aware of a sound. It sounded urgent. “What is that?”, I thought. After a few moments the sounds turned into words. Apparently, I had become so flabbergasted that I had forgotten what words were. It was Wintom, I finally realized. He was trying to communicate. He was asking me if he had lost his marbles. He said, “Jenkins, have I lost my marbles?” Automatically, without any thought whatsoever, as if in a dreamlike haze, I began to scan the floor for marbles.

Surfing the Probability Waves

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Is it alive? Is it dead? Yes! It’s the famous Schrodinger’s Cat! Alive and dead, until you open the box. Here’s another thought experiment for ya…does Schrodinger’s Cat have nine lives? If so, this theory would get rather complicated, to say the least! Weird stuff, man. Weird stuff. Perhaps it should be discussed over a nice cup of coffee or tea. On one side of this two-sided mug, the cat is alive, on the other, dead. Want one? Click on the mugs above and you will be taken to my Etsy shop where you can buy from there. FREE SHIPPING!

Concentricity

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I thought I was being clever by making up a word, but then I find out it is a real word.

In geometry, concentricity refers to the condition where two or more objects, such as circles, spheres, or cylinders, share the same center point or axis. For example, a dartboard’s bullseye and surrounding rings are concentric because they all share the same center point. 

The Ultimate Medium

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Just had a thought. What if life is an art form. Hear me out, now. How could this idea be any more ridiculous than any other idea about Creation? Take for example God, evolution, or giant dragons puking the universe into existence.

If artists could manipulate the very essence of the universe, would they not create waterfalls and rainbows, butterflies and badgers, and burgers and fries? Of course they would!

God is the Original Artist.

Below, I list ten great works by God. (This list is not all inclusive and just popped off the top of my head.)

  1. The planet Saturn.
  2. Dogs.
  3. Cats.
  4. Babies (all forms, especially puppies, kittens, and children).
  5. The Cuttlefish.
  6. The planet Earth.
  7. Water.
  8. Light.
  9. Animation.
  10. Frogs.

Happy New Year!

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Even though it isn’t the first of January, I am making a resolution. I plan to post something every day. That is the plan. Now, in reality, I may end up posting just once or twice per week, but at least I am putting a carrot on a stick and dangling it in front of my lazy ass. I need the exercise.

I think my main nemesis in preventing me from achieving this goal is my love for online chess. I may be on the verge of addiction. Perhaps this is an attempt to break free of, or at least, slow down the time spent playing chess.

I gotta go do laundry (and get a donut) now.